TARDIS tantrums
by Advialoth
Summary: A series of short stories. What happens when your time machine has a mind of its own...
1. Rose finds a new friend

This is a series of short stories I wrote during a particularly boring English lesson. (hence some of the weird long words.)

Chapter One; Rose finds a new friend…

In the midst of time and space there hung a blue police call box. Inside said box, a nine-hundred year old alien and a nineteen year old Londoner were having a very loud argument, which would have been audible from outside, had there been anything out there to hear.

It had started quite stupidly really, but, like most things around the Doctor, it had rapidly spiralled out of control.

Rose had woken this particular morning to find that she found quite often, the Doctor was trying to fix something. Trying, because either it wasn't working, or there hadn't been anything to fix in the first place. Rose suspected the latter.

The Doctor was muttering to himself while he worked on the TARDIS' main console, and Rose sat down to watch. There wasn't much else to do at that moment anyway.

She had very nearly fallen asleep again, when there was a loud banging and squeaking noise from the TARDIS, and the Doctor jumped back as a large plume of smoke issued from the controls.

"C'mon old girl, I'm tryin' to help!" exclaimed the Doctor, his hands up in the air as if to show the Timeship that he wasn't holding anything dangerous. Rose decided to ask a question which had been bugging her for days…

"Why d'you always talk to it?"

"What?" asked the Doctor, momentarily forgetting the smoking panel on the main console.

"The TARDIS. Why d'you always talk to it?" inquired Rose, head slightly tilted to one side.

"It? IT?" the Doctor sounded exasperated. "D'you 'ear that girl? She thinks you're an it!"

Rose pouted angrily, but the TARDIS made a metallic ringing sound, almost like laughter.

"She's not an 'it', as you so elegantly put it." explained the Doctor, a wide grin on his face. "She's got a mind of her own; she's not some stupid mechanical construction!"

The TARDIS chirped almost proudly. Rose stared.

"So, not only do you 'ave a time machine, but it, sorry, _she_…" amended Rose hastily as the TARDIS made a grinding noise. "She has a mind of 'er own an' can think?"

"That's right." grinned the Doctor cheerily. His grin faltered a fraction as he saw the glint in Rose's eyes, something he had come to equate with trouble.

"So, she can think for 'erself?" asked Rose slowly, beginning to grin herself.

"Yep." said the Doctor, trying not to let his slight uneasiness show through.

"Dunno how she puts up wif you then!" laughed Rose. The Tardis whirred happily. The Doctor scowled.

"Oh that's nice that is. Tryin' to turn my own TARDIS against me!" he complained.

"I am not!" countered Rose. "She jus' seems not to like all you're 'fixin' much, an' I'm sympathisin'." The Doctor's scowl deepened, and the TARDIS emitted a high pitched squeak.

"Oh that's fantastic." growled the Doctor sarcastically at the central column. "So you're takin' up with her?" The TARDIS gave a squelching noise, and then added a plaintive whistle. The doctor exploded, throwing his arms in the air.

"YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY!" he roared. Rose felt like she would burst trying to hold her laughter in. The TARDIS kept squeaking merrily, and the Doctor was beginning to turn red in the face. He finally seemed to give up, turning on his heel, he stormed out of the control room, fists jammed into his pockets. Rose grinned and sat down again.

"So, now I jus' need to understand wha' you're sayin." The TARDIS whistled, a light forming over a blank panel on the console. The light faded, leaving a tiny copper rose sitting there.

"This migh' not be so hard after all." grinned Rose as the TARDIS whistled happily.


	2. What do you think you're doing?

Chapter Two: What do you think you're doing?

Rose sat down quietly to watch the Doctor, trying not to disturb him as only his feet stuck out from underneath the main console of the TARDIS. She had no idea what he was doing, and she had a sneaking suspicion that he didn't either, only that it involved a lot of enthusiastic waving of the sonic screwdriver and a constant muttering. The TARDIS didn't seem to mind whatever it was much, as she was fairly quiet, only the occasional beep or clank.

Curiosity finally getting the better of her, she spoke up.

"Wha' d'you think you're doin'?"

The feet jerked suddenly, and a loud bang came from further inside the mechanics, closely followed by a yell and a vehement string of words. The TARDIS hissed.

"Sorry!" called Rose, as much to the TARDIS as to the Doctor. "I guess tha' means y'can hear me then?"

"Yes I can hear you! Give me a warnin' next time!" came back the slightly muffled reply. Rose waited for a while, and when it became obvious that he wasn't going to reply, she spoke again.

"So wha' ARE you doin' in there?" she asked. There was a small thump this time, and a shorter string of angry words. The TARDIS made a grinding noise.

"Sorry!" called Rose again. There was a long silence. Rose was about to get up and leave in search of something more engaging to do when the Doctor called out to her.

"You still there Rose?"

"Yeah. Why?" she answered.

"I need the thing on the left that looks like a green-handled screwdriver."

"Isn' the sonic one good enough?" puzzled Rose.

"It's not that, I need to poke somethin' with it. Would you jus' pass it here?" he asked sternly.

"No' until you tell me wha' you're doin' in there." said Rose, annoyed.

"Would you even understand if I told you?" growled the Doctor, getting frustrated. He gave a yelp as the TARDIS made a whooshing noise, obviously doing something to him.

"Well I won' learn if you don' tell me, will I?" huffed Rose.

"Fine. I'm trying to fix the spatio-temporal-dimensional declination cessation accoutrement, now pass it."

Rose blinked. "The _WHAT_?"

She heard the Doctor mumble something about apes.

"The landin' gear! Now pass the bluddy screwdriver would you?"

She passed it, and then left quickly, so she didn't hear the yell that came from the console as the TARDIS dropped a heavy piece of metal on the Time Lord's head…


	3. When in doubt, smash

Chapter Three: When in doubt, smash.

As she hung onto the rickety handrail, Rose wondered, not for the first time, if this was the TARDIS' way of expressing her displeasure.

"Stop it!" she called to the Doctor, who was busily smacking a panel on the console. "Can' you see she doesn' like it? Wha' good's i' doin' anyway, you're jus' makin' i' worse!"

Maniacal grin firmly fixed in place, the Doctor stopped banging for a moment and turned to look at her.

"It's doin' plenty of good! It's settlin' the wires." he said matter-of-factly. The TARDIS stopped shaking and let out a mournful creak.

"Bu' she doesn' like it!" protested Rose.

"Sure she does!" exclaimed the Doctor cheerfully. "It's like scratchin' an itch, besides, it's the quick way to fix things!"

The TARDIS protested in her own way, flashing every red light in the control room very fast. The Doctor scowled.

"She doesn't usually hate it this much, mus' be a sore panel…" he trailed off, diving his hands into his pockets in search of something. He soon found it.

"Ah-HAH!" he grinned triumphantly, holding aloft the sonic screwdriver for a moment, before setting to work on the offending panel. Rose rolled her eyes and relaxed her grip on the handrail.

The Doctor fiddled with the panel for a few minutes, and then lifted it off, exposing the circuits. He paused.

"Rose, would you pass me the kinetic repositioner?" he asked happily. Rose stared at the tools, then at the Doctor.

"The wha'?" she asked.

"The mallet!" urged the doctor, with the air of someone patiently explaining to a child. Rose stared worriedly at him for a few seconds before picking up the implement and handing it to him, then stepping back as far out of the way as she could.

The Doctor did not hear the quiet 'sorry girl' that Rose whispered to the air. He brought the mallet down with a loud bang, and Rose jumped as the TARDIS let out a large jet of steam right into the Doctor's face. He spluttered.

Rose couldn't help but laugh at his outrage as she was hit with a small spray of glitter. She grinned coyly at him.

"Wha' did I tell you?" she smirked, then turned away and patted the console lightly. "Mus' be a guy thing." she muttered to the TARDIS as the Doctor stomped out.


End file.
